When I was 16, I got a purity ring.
And when I was 25, I took it off.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.
“True Love Waits.” Waits.
What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?
*****
I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.
But there’s something bigger behind it than that.
Much bigger.
There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.
And wait they did.
*****
And waited and waited and waited.
Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.
And still they wait.
More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”
And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.
“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”
But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.
If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.
So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?
Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.
A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.
*****
I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.
Who wrote that poem anyway?
Pretty sure it wasn’t God.
When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)
That sounds a lot different from the poem.
Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.
What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.
If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.
If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.
If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.
If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.
If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.
It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.
*****
Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.
I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.
I lived like I was waiting for something.
And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.
I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.
I already have Him … and He is everything.
“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle
Reblogged this on GodGuysandGirls and commented:
I’ve never had a purity ring but I think the underlying concept of waiting on God and not getting a “wish list” fulfilled is very familiar. I just thought I’d share … What do you think?
Angie
Such glaring truth!
So true.. thats why He’s always my valentine :)
A friend sent me a link to this post, knowing I write on such things. My blog-response is posted here: http://www.perseveronews.com/true-love-doesnt-wait/
This post puts into words exactly what I have been feeling, but couldn’t describe. My husband and I have been waiting on a child for three years now, and it has been – as you so aptly put it – wrecking my view of God, because that formula you described had been working really well up to this point.
I read this almost every day. And when I do, I adapt it to say:
“It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a …child… or end all feelings of …longing…, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our …bareness… rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for …children… while seemingly giving freely to others.”
I know that I’m not the audience you necessarily intended, and I’d bet that at times (hopefully not always) having married people comment on this is as annoying to you as some of my pregnant friends are to me when they say things like, “We decided not to try to have kids anymore and it just happened! You need to just stop trying so hard, and it will happen for you, too. God’s timing is perfect, you know, and it’s while it’s not time for you yet, you get to be the cool aunt!”
Ugh… Not helpful… I love them, but it’s like they don’t hear themselves.
So, at the risk of rubbing you the wrong way, I want to let you know that your words are a comfort to me. I needed to be reminded that following Christ means to desire Him more than anything else – even more than being able to do the one thing that a woman is supposed to be able to do. It’s scary to realize how easily I can forget that. That’s why I read this so frequently.
Thank you for reminding me.
Hi there! I really enjoyed this post and I tried to link to it in the introductory post for a new blog I’m writing on the topic of singleness and the Christian community, but for some reason the link didn’t track back. Anyway, blessings to you my sweet sister!
good stuff. from a fellow 25-year-old guy. similar story. different perspective. but the revelation remains true.
Good stuff. from a fellow 25-year-old. you are a voice and a light. continue impacting our generation yeah? cheers.
Love your insight! I’m going to have my teenaged kids (1 son, 2 daughters) read this because it’s so true!
Reblogged this on reflections of a hippy calvinist and commented:
wonderful
I just read this and it has come at such a good time in my life. Thank you for writing and sharing this.
excellant! and a reality in Truth for every situation….
This is amazing. I have a purity ring and I am wearing it to remind myself that I have to preserve myself for God. I am His and He is mine.
I think you have expressed a frustration that is common among Christian singles.
Was totally blessed by this. Thanks!
Thanks so much for writing this post. As someone who wears a purity ring, your article made me think about the reason that I’ve chosen to abstain. I have no doubt that God will continue to teach me a great deal about patience and loving others as I learn to love Him more and more each and every day.
Reblogged this on shoeshinechild.
God never promised us a happy marriage, a good job, or children. What he promised us was eternal life, which means Jesus and the Father (John 17:3) as well as the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17). I wasted a lot of years waiting for God to fill my wish list, instead of seeking and serving Him. I went to Ukraine hoping to find a wife. Instead, I met some missionaries, saw the joy and fulfillment they had, and I wanted that! God has a purpose for each of us, and I don’t want Him to give my job to someone else! If you are a virgin, I encourage you to remain so. In my late 20s, I was in a classroom and I told a young lady that I was waiting until marriage before I had sex. When I said that, there was POWER behind it. You are not alone in this. God has reserved you for Himself.
Reblogged this on Hannah Ever After and commented:
Kind of loving this! Scratch that. I totally love it!
Wonderful insight. This is something that plagues men and women alike. For most of my life I have been guilty of asking God when He was finally going to send me a good, Christian woman to fall in love with. I served as a pastor for several years and even reasoned that being a single pastor was hard and that task would be so much easier if God would just send me the right woman. But I was in the same trap that so many others are in. I was looking selfishly at my life. I wanted things to satisfy me instead of giving myself to satisfy HIM.
I honestly have no idea whether or not I will ever marry. If God has ordered my life to be lived as a single man, I just want to find the service I can do for Him that perhaps I couldn’t do if I were married. If He chooses to send me a bride, I want to find the ministry that He has called US to. I am now determined that if I marry it has to be because we will be able to make a greater impact for His kingdom together than I can alone.
The point of my life is not to see how happy I am at the end. The point of my life is to fully surrender so I can experience His love on a higher level when this life is over.
God bless!
Thanks Jeff, for saying “…is to create greater impact for His kingdom. A shared ministry with the life partner is indeed important. I share the same sentiments maybe because I am also a full time worker like you.
yup. that’s me. things i threw out the window: the purity ring, the prayers, the waiting, and church. i can’t give up on God himself though. it scares me to think that there ‘might not be a God afterall’, i need to have someone be in charge. someone who has got everything all together, and that’s Him.
Hello, A. Thanks for writing … and I’m sorry you’ve had a lot of disappointment. Life might disappoint, but the peace and hope God offers never will. I’d urge you to run to Him rather than just believe He’s there. He’s in charge whether you believe Him to be or not … but neither of those approaches equal a relationship with Him. The difference between Christ followers and the demons (James 2:19 says even the demons believe and shudder at the glory of God) is that they give Him everything they have to follow Him …
I encourage you to go to Him and let Him carry everything for you (especially your sins), accept His grace and forgiveness and follow after Him with your life. He says He’ll carry it for us, and His burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30). Get to know Him. Read the Word. Pray to get to know Him better and not for things. I promise He will never disappoint … not in this life, and definitely not in the next. You’re right … He does have everything all together, and I’m so grateful … because I definitely don’t.
Praying for you.
This is a recurring issue with the “next Christian fad movements” that come every few years. Maybe we should focus more on building Christ centered churches that honor God and celebrate His supremacy than the trying to create the next buzz ‘thing’ or fad.
Just ask yourself this question, “is Jesus Christ and the Gospel overwhelmingly and unmistakebly central to this ministry or para church movement?” If we miss that mark even a fraction of a millimeter in the beginning years down the road (if that) we will undoubtedly be way off the mark and in intended results will flourish like weeds.
As a pastor I find your insight very valuable. I especially appreciated the paragraph:
“Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.”
It’s caused me to think more about whether I’ve sold people on a solution to a problem in my preaching rather than on the life we have in Christ alone. Thanks.
I think this kind of Christian misinformation continues for those who are married. Certainly biblical principals on how to get along with others, including our spouses, can help to maintain a healthy marriage. But if we see our spiritual life, primarily as a tool to heal and maintain our human relationships (especially marriage), we have missed the point in a similar fashion. Our relationship to God is the point, whether single or married.
Reblogged this on a raindrop will never fall alone.
How many young men / women mistake the purity ring for a promise, engagement, or wedding ring and walk right on past someone they might otherwise get to know and eventually fall in love with?
I know most people look to the left hand ring finger before striking up a conversation with someone they’re interested in. A ring is usually a big STOP SIGN.
Beautifully written and poignant post. I found that there were aspects of my life where I was looking less for Him and more for a “solution.” I had a miscarriage five years ago, almost to the day…and eventually realized that it felt like a low blow because I had it in my head that following Christ meant being spared from things like that. Not true. Walking with Him through the process transformed me, though. He is more than enough!
Reblogged this on kimberlybellecross and commented:
Her perspective is admired, appreciated, and most of all, encouraging. Take a read.
Love it. Thanks so much for your honesty. I’ve been fed up with the standards that the church puts on girls, saying they just haven’t been made complete yes… so they still have to wait for a husband etc.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I relate to this SO well, as I was (aside from a few junior high flings) 25 before ANY man asked me out. Only God knows how many tears I shed while begging him to bring someone into my life as it seemed all my friends were getting. I’m sure you’ve received many a blessing/encouraging reminder from I Corinthians 7, where I LIVED for many years. I used to (and still do) get frustrated when people would say God wouldn’t let me stay single. I often responded calmly while my insides were screaming, “GOD DIDN’T PROMISE THAT!” I knew wonderful, godly (and beautiful too!) Christian women who were in their fifties and still single as ever teaching at my college.
I Corinthians was my constant reminder that if God allowed me to stay single, I would have more time and energy to devote to Him! That was probably the biggest thing that kept me going. I wish someone would have shared that passage with me earlier. I went to college with the hopes of finding someone and then moving to the mission field straight out of college. I moved to Australia straight outta college, but it was just me and God! Of course, God used that in such a big way, and I thank Him for it now! :) Keep loving Him.
Before I sign off, I also want to say it was those same wonderful, single lady teachers that I had that also (without knowing it until I recently shared) encouraged me to keep going. I never spoke to them about it, but I figured if they could remain faithful to Him all those years (and have a greater impact on their students b/c of their freer schedules and big hearts), I could too. You never know who you are ministering to just by remaining faithful! Much love from a fellow Christian sister. Just want to say I’m proud of you and so thankful you’ve shared your story! *hug*…that is, only if you will accept hugs. ;)
Good perspective. One I’ve lived. 46, not married, and always thought I wanted to be. Now, I want a partner to spend my older years with.. what that looks like, I don’t know yet. What I’ve learned is to live fully every single day, to not waste time and energy on waiting, to live my life that God granted me to the fullest and lean in to him for everything. That’s how I’ve learned to be content and even more, happy. There is always a thorn but there is always life and life abundantly.
I have seen a huge number of single Christians dating (used to be one of them), many times I thought that they were the perfect couple then a few months later they would bust up.
I’m 55 and I have been married 26 years. There are many reasons I did not find a wife prior to the age of 29. I really wasnt mature enough, so that turned off a lot of girls. I was too serious, and didnt get a lot of repeat dates till I stopped trying so hard. I was in a religious flux, not knowing what I really believed in. But mostly I think I just hadnt yet met the wife God intended for me.
But still, we Christians are too critical of each other. One girl who confided in me once said that the guy she dated just didnt ring her bell. He was smart, average looking, had a good career ahead of him, was a devout Christian, but he just didnt have that zing! I told her that I didnt think she really knew what she wanted and that when she finally did want to start a family and stop being alone she would find a guy to marry and get married.
My grandmother and grandfather were from a little town in Texas, and she once told me that there were all of 9 eligable men in that town that she could have married. They remained married till the day he died.
Maybe we need to shed this idea that love is something that happens to us instead of something we do as an act of will. Maybe we need to reduce the moral/social influence of the Godless society we live in. Maybe we just dont grow up fast enough to want to get married in a timely way any more. I dont know.
But I do know that God exists and He is to be worshipped for His own sake, for Who Her is, the Creator. If you are worshipping God in the hope He will give you a spouse then your heart is not in the right place. We should focus on God because that is the best thing for us whether He gives us what we think we should have or not. When we submit ourselves to God and stop trying to bargain with Him, maybe things just work out better. Maybe we will have learned how to truly love someone else.
I am not a Godly man as most think of the term. And I really dont care if people do; God knows who is His own and who will go the extra mile. And frankly, I feel too ashamed to approach Him in the Eucharist any more. Maybe when I can go to mass and not feel like such a worthless lowlife when I am near Him maybe I will start going again. Love from afar is the best I can do right now.
Richard, He doesn’t love YOU from afar. He desires to be close with you! In fact the eucharist is evidence that IT IS FINISHED! You don’t have to DO anything else to be acceptable to him. If you think your best isn’t good enough for him yet, you have totally missed the gospel. The bad news is that your best will never be good enough for Him, but the good news is that HE ALREADY PAID THE PRICE FOR YOU!
“For it is by Grace that you have been saved through faith, and that is not of yourselves, it is a gift of God….not a result of works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8,9
Oh yes, He certainly is our Creator and knows us intimately. He knows all our pain, confusion, sin, and yet He still loves us! WOW! Jesus took our punishment for our sin…He also took our shame. To accept His free gift of forgiveness is so freeing! To live a life in Him is truly living.
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and purify us of all unrighteousness.”
You are not a worthless lowlife. That is a lie of “the enemy”. As a follower of Jesus, we can confess to God anytime. He doesn’t want us living in the chains of thinking we can never be good enough for Him. To live in Christ is freedom, not condemnation. Jesus is so good! God is so good!
Thanks for your post. The way many of us view dating is probably not what it should be.
God does know his children, he also wants to meet you and love you where you are. Jesus has taken your shame and covered you with His Holy and precious blood. In Christ we are a new creation. I would encourage you to approach Him. If we continue to wait until we feel worthy of being near God, we will never approach Him. Apart from Christ we are all fallen people. Please don’t believe the lies of Satan, you are not worthless, but a precious child of God.
semantics
Wow such an awesome perspective! I’ve been pondering this the past few weeks and you said it wonderfully! Thank you
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26 ESV)
There are thousands of homeschooled young people of both genders who want to get married, are ready to get married, and should be married… indeed should have been married long ago… who are not married. Their church, their friends, and their families have all prepared them for marriage, for early marriage, for early, fruitful marriage… and they are not married. There is no persecution, no law, no physical infirmities that prevent them from being married… but they are not married. This is not a ‘panic’, it is a crisis. Indeed, we have from among the very best and brightest of our Christian young people, the best taught, from the finest families, who are already well past the flower of their age, and they are not married. That is beyond a crisis, it is a catastrophe.
The catastrophe is of our own making: we have implemented a false and unGodly system for getting married. Previous generations would stare in shock at a forum such as this, where alternating young men and women state ‘I wish I could be married’. “So, get married!” they would say, “Stop waiting for Mr or Mrs Right and marry that guy right there!”
Martin Luther wrote:
“To sum the matter up: whoever finds himself unsuited to the celibate life should see to it right away that he has something to do and to work at; then let him strike out in God’s name and get married. A young man should marry at the age of twenty at the latest, a young woman at fifteen to eighteen; that’s when they are still in good health and best suited for marriage. Let God worry about how they and their children are to be fed. God makes children; he will surely also feed them. Should he fail to exalt you and them here on earth, then take satisfaction in the fact that he has granted you a Christian marriage, and know that he will exalt you there; and be thankful to him for his gifts and favours.”
Would that the church were still teaching this.
In general, I agree people should grow up! and get married younger. However, I have a different perspective as well. I’m 25 and marrying next year. :) I will admit I was picky, but I was also picky b/c I felt God was leading me to live in another country, there were very few men I could respect enough to consider dating, even fewer willing to move to another country, and of them no one ever asked me out, despite me going to a relatively large Christian university. I am now 25 and marrying the most wonderful, godly man who respects (and has agreed to rise to) my standards on controversial areas even as I have agreed to do the same for him. (Most others I knew either ignored my absence during movies with swearing or simply didn’t invite me.) Many guys these days are too stuck on video games or going for the “easy” girls to pay attention to what’s important; I was so annoyed by it. If I had had the choice, yes, I’d have married younger, but I’m glad I waited…b/c I sure got the best man. By the way, God did lead me to another country. I was ministering in a Christian school in Australia when I met my fiance, and I’ll be spending the rest of my days there. Praise Him. :)
Many men are irresponsible because that is what we, as a culture and a church, have taught them to be. Imagine if they grew up with preachers preaching what Martin Luther taught!
Such wisdom from one so young! Note, by the way, that the same principle also applies to anything else a Christian longs for, not only a spouse. For example, married people often find themselves longing for their spouse to do or be something different. And the apostle Paul really wanted that un-specified “thorn in the flesh” to be removed. We all need to learn the meaning of, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
i was thinking the same thing, larry — whether health, financial stability, you name it. our nature pulls us to find our security, our identity, our hope in so many places that simply cannot fulfill. b/c only He can fill the voids.
Reblogged this on Keep the Earth Below my Feet and commented:
such an encouragement. to all the single ladies, and for the taken ones. please read!
What a beautiful perspective – and a great “wake up call” to help as I raise my daughters for Him! Thank you!!
hit home. loved this so much! thank you so much for sharing. your words of wisdom are beautiful to a heart like mine!
{
“Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.”
“What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.”
}
Both of these acts quoted above may be performed in love for God. God says himself that we may love him by “keeping his commands (John 14:15).” The girls who signed cards and wear rings may still love God just as much as you think you do. Most cognitive humans can rationalize that life is more than a game of reciprocity, where you give one thing to get another.
I sounds like you’re still searching. It sounds as though you are still unfulfilled. Continue to question why you feel the way you do. You mention that the poem about finding God before you can find a husband was written by a human. Well, it turns out that the Bible was also written by a group of men. Humans. Consider that everything you’ve been taught is simply a control mechanism. Were you raised in a Christian household? I was.
I loved an idea of God passed down to me by my parents, pastors, et cetera. Only after letting go of this indoctrination have I been able to find breathing room and freedom within myself. I don’t have indiscriminate sex (still a virgin). I still love and serve those around me with all I have. The only difference is that I do not turn to a figment of my imagination for comfort and approval anymore. I am sure you know how exhausting it is to talk to an unresponsive wall or ceiling your entire life– crying out to an all powerful God who is supposed to love you with all his ability– busying yourself with a book written by men who died thousands of years ago. Have you ever literally heard His voice? Has He ever put a real, material arm around you in your pain and loneliness?
In your search for love and intimacy with another human, it is most important to love yourself first, so that you may better love those around you. Go out into the world and be free. Open your mind. You don’t have to embrace and practice what you perceive as immorality, just free yourself from what your parents and mentors have taught you since you were an infant.
Love yourself. Be an individual. Don’t live in the chains of dogma.
Hi, Jen. I think it’s possible you might have misunderstood me. :) The search is ended. He’s solid. Amazing. Everything. He really is enough.
As for how you were brought up … humans will err in what we say (including me! Thanks for thinking critically about anything I blog), but strip all that away and ask the questions of Him and Him alone. Is He real? Yes. Does He comfort? In ways no one else can. I’ve experienced the most severe loss of my life in the past few months, and what I’ve found in that, in the midst of having lots of human arms around me, their comfort doesn’t hold a candle to His.
Chains? None. Fulfilled? Completely. I’m swallowed up in His love. That’s where my identity is – in Him, not in dogma. And I’ve found that the more I love Him, the more strength and love I have to give to others. When I love myself more, all I want to do is take care of number one.
I wouldn’t trade anything for the peace I’ve got now and the even better joy that’s coming soon when I see Him face to face.
Can I ask humbly if maybe you are the one still searching?
I am still searching. I long to know the reality of his comfort. His intimate presence. The fulfillment of his promises in my life. I’d REALLY like to know how your heart was opened to receive his love, your ears were opened to hear his word and your eyes were opened to see that you are his. How do you love him? Interesting that Jen quotes Jesus saying “by keeping my commands.” His command is this: that you love one another. But how have you gone about loving him? How do you respond to his love?
Hey, Justin. Sorry for the delay in writing you back. I saw your post on Friday and went away for the weekend without a way to respond, but every time I’ve thought of your post since I’ve thought of this Scripture: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you.” (Ephesians 1:18)
The truth is … Christ offers you infinite joy, infinite peace and infinite hope. And He offers it through His own sacrifice … His blood poured out for your sins on the cross. That’s a story you might be very, very familiar with. But the reality is … it’s something that is absolutely universe-rocking on a level that blows my mind. Through Him, we have forgiveness and love that we don’t deserve as sinful people. And what does He do? He gives Himself up for a horrible death. Then He turns to us and says believe. And follow.
At one point in my life, when I was waiting for some sort of epiphany or feeling of how to suddenly be “lovable” to God, I finally came to grips that it wasn’t about that at all. He loved me when I was dead in my sin. I decided that stepping out in faith and asking God to help me know Him and know His love was a better idea than just waiting for me to “feel” it. I prayed for Him to enlighten my eyes. I trusted that Jesus was who He said He was. That He was the only way to get to God … through His blood. I asked forgiveness for living for myself for so long. And I told Him I was ready to follow, whatever that meant. I begin to put aside a chunk of time daily to read the Bible and pray. Like David in Psalm 25:4-5, I decided that if waiting all the day long was what it took, I was willing to do that. I wanted to know His love. I wanted it to be the most important thing to me. So I treated it like other things I had put first in my life in the past. I carved out time for it, I put it first, and I prayed every day for God to teach me His ways, and I waited. I asked. I read. I waited. I prayed for Him to reveal to me how to follow Him, to teach me from His word. If you haven’t read in a while (or ever), start with John and read through it, paying attention to what Christ asks of us.
At the moment I believed, the salvation was instant and permanent. But the following Him is something that is a discipline for a lifetime and that is the necessary fruit of a relationship with Him. (That’s where the “you love Me if you keep My commandments” part comes in.) That’s where loving others happens … and we become the vessel through which His love flows to others. We ask Him to show us how to do that. Daily.
At the moment I started following Him, He begin to speak and begin to carve out the sin and selfishness that lived (and still does) in my heart and replace it with His love, and the longer we have walked together, the more tangible the feeling has been. It is a peace I’ve never known. It is love like I’ve never known.
Justin … thanks for writing. Do whatever it takes to run toward the goal, as Paul says, and take hold of the hope to which we were called. Ask Him to show Himself to you. He will.
Would love to continue this conversation for as long as you like.
Absolutely astonishing post. Thank you so much. I praise God for the wisdom He’s granted you in writing this. I am not single, I wasn’t really ever single when it mattered… but God used this to break my heart in ways I didn’t know it needed to be. Whether we’re single or not, ALL of us are guilty of waiting… living life waiting… instead of blooming where we’re planted. God, break our hearts for your plan for us TODAY.
Excellent post, Stephanie. Thanks for being real and honest. This is a message everyone desperately needs to hear. There’s a reason that so many fall away from the church when they leave home etc. There is an unfortunate disconnect with reality and what the church, well-intentioned, is preaching/teaching. You’re so right about the grief and disillusionment many girls go through as they wait and wait and wait “upon the Lord” when they’re really following a “well-meaning prescription” of purity, yet possibly neglecting what the Lord really has in store for them. Our Christianity desperately needs to mesh with the reality of the world outside of the small enclosed homeschooling Christian circle. First goes the books, then the church, then we carry God alone in our heart… and carry on alone with Him. It shouldn’t have to be that way. Thanks for being courageous and inspirational. I’m sure there are many girls that feel the same way!!
I remember where you are at so well. I was single and God called me to serve him on the mission field. My father’s response, “you’re not going to find a husband that way.” Well, I met Jim in 1985 while on deputation, raising support. I spent 8 years as a missionary in Africa, and in 1994, at the age of 39, we married.
We have 2 sons, Jonathan, 15 (Joshua’s other brother), and Tim, 16
That is encouraging and so wonderful to hear. Praise God for His great love and His strength in our weakness. :) I grew up planning to be a missionary and heard the same line from many. Praise God though, one of the godly men at the church (in Australia) I was ministering in (who slowly became my best friend over the two years I was there) has made a long distance relationship work for over a year (as I’ve been back in the States) and we’re planning to be married next April! :)
I love that. Thanks so much for sharing. Even though I’m married, I was one of those youth who endured a whole semester of “True Love Waits” and was negatively impacted by it. I even had arguments with my pastor about it (not proud of that, I was disrespectful). I do appreciate, however, knowing that I wasn’t the only one who saw it as a misrepresentation of the truth, and I love it that you’ve boldly stated your convictions, rooted in the truth, as an alternative for the kids hearing its misinterpretation by their well-intentioned youth pastors.
Excellent synopsis. The difference between marriage as a means to an end of ours, and marriage as a means to an end of Christ’s. You have to walk a long way down the narrow path in order to reach that turning point.
“Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” – Jesus Christ (Matthew 7:14)
Thank God for this article. it is all based on truth and wisdom. I love the part that says that Jesus is not only the solution to life’s problems but He is life itself.
You are so right. Waiting in that way puts our life on hold until…what? Jesus wants us to live now. With Him. Fully. My 12 year old can’t wait until she gets her purity ring this year like her older sisters did, like the one I wore after two devastating marriages ended in divorce. I’m so grateful for this perspective that I can pass on to her. I also want to add that “waiting” for the mate God has is good. Waiting for intimacy with that person is good. My husband and I agree that we wish we had been wise and patient enough to wait for each other. We both sought others instead of Jesus and it cost us dearly. Only now, looking back, do I realize the full meaning of waiting for what God has. And that applies to everything in life, not only a spouse. Thank you for your honest and wise words!
Great insight. But I’m curious what you think of this (supplementary?) line of thinking: http://www.facebook.com/notes/paul-peterson/jesus-is-not-enough/10150611098069906
Hi, Paul. Thanks for the note. I see what you’re going for, and I appreciate the way you said at the beginning and end that Jesus does have the unique power to satisfy our souls. Personally, I just think that saying “He’s NOT enough” loudly is a bit of a dangerous line to teeter on. I think the rationale would fit the same argument as saying something like, “Jesus is NOT enough … because we also need oxygen,” or “Jesus is NOT enough … because we also need food.” Our stomachs were made to need food. Our lungs were made to need oxygen. I think our hearts were made to need relationships (marriage, friends and family). But I don’t think any of those needs are a hole in our soul – I think the only hole in our soul is the one Jesus was meant to fill. If all those other things aren’t there, the ache may/will persist (if I don’t have food, I’ll obviously starve, without some sort of miraculous intervention). But the only one who will sustain through the human need and satisfy the deeper need is Jesus … and He is the one who will be our joy and reward when these temporary needs pass away.
I remember visiting a church once, and a visiting preacher was trying to explain that God’s Word isn’t a manual for starting your own business. Technically, he’s right … it wasn’t written to be a step-by-step entrepreneurship manual; it was meant to show us how to know God and do everything we do out of a relationship with Him. But in making his point, he held the Bible above his head and said, “You know this book isn’t all you need, don’t you?” I just think that stating that the gospel, the Word, the Person that is our every breath “isn’t enough” is dangerous ground to make a lesser point, or to provide shock value.
This reminds me of all the martyrs who have given their lives up for Christ. He certainly was enough for them. They did not feel the need for human connection any longer when it came to meeting their Savior face to face. They showed that they did not have any holes in their souls for material things or even human connections at this point when their lives were taken from them. I wonder if each of us where to think about if our lives were threatened for the sake of Christ how that would change our perspective on “Jesus being NOT enough….without this or that” here on this earth.
This has touched my heart as I was a youth leader back in the days when True Love Waits was the thing. All I can say is I’m sorry. We truly were full of good intentions. And we tried to convey, Fall in Love with Jesus! That was the intention. I appreciate the opportunity to see this in a new way and how it has impacted you! Wonderful post! Thank you!
Great reflection! It took me until I was 32 to learn and believe in my heart the GOD was enough. Life was full, and I was moving forward. And guess what? Six months after that, I met my husband and got married 10 months later. I think God placed the desire in my heart to have a family with whom to share my life…he was just waiting until I decided to love what HE wanted for me, whatever that would be…not what I thought I wanted for myself.
put very well! indeed!