I don’t wait anymore.

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.

And when I was 25, I took it off.

I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.

“True Love Waits.” Waits.

What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

*****

I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.

But there’s something bigger behind it than that.

Much bigger.

There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.

And wait they did.

*****

And waited and waited and waited.

Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.

And still they wait.

More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”

And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.

“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”

But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.

If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.

So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?

Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.

A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.

*****

I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.

Who wrote that poem anyway?

Pretty sure it wasn’t God.

When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)

That sounds a lot different from the poem.

Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.

What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.

If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.

If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.

If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.

If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.

If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.

It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.

*****

Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.

I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.

I lived like I was waiting for something.

And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.

I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.

I already have Him … and He is everything.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

i dont wait anymore

(I Don’t Wait Anymore (the book), now available.)

1,768 Comments on “I don’t wait anymore.

  1. While I’ve heard many messages, both ways, on purity and “true love waits” none have been so pure, straightforward and beautiful as this. Thank you for speaking your heart at a time that I definitely needed it most, because I don’t want to wait anymore.

  2. This is so good! I wish more Christian girls would understand that marriage is not the goal. Marriage is (sometimes) the means, but it is never the end.

    When I was seventeen and eighteen I made the tragic mistake of thinking that the only way I would be able to be loved in this world is if some man fell in love with me, courted me, and asked me to marry him. I longed so much for that that I missed out on the relationships that I had with the wonderful men and women in my life; all of whom did truly love, just in a way to which I was blinded. I look back on my life and see that so much pain could have been avoided if I had truly seen and believed that a romantic relationship is not needed for happiness and joy and that there is love and fulfillment in being single.

    Now at 21 I am dating an absolutely incredible man who I am completely and entirely in love with. And yet, even seeing all of the happiness and fulfillment that this relationship brings and the blessings that are there, I am still incredibly wary when I hear girls longing for what I have. Ladies, there is a lot of hard work and pain involved in relationships. It won’t be easy and breezy all the time, no matter how kind and wonderful you both are.

    And whether or not there is a relationship in your future, you have to completely and entirely know that God is the center, God is the focus, God is the most important part of your life. Your boyfriend/fiance/husband will hurt you and you will hurt him. You will feel more excruciating pain than you ever have before in your life, and unless you already understand and see that God is the only one who can truly fulfill you and satisfy you, you will have a rude awakening waiting.

    God is why you live and breathe, and only when you are living with that mindset will you find fulfillment, no matter who else is in your life. There is so much more to a life than a relationship; don’t make the mistake of living just for that. Live for something greater. Live for God.

  3. A friend of mine posted your article on Facebook, and it caught my eye, so I read it. I really really liked it. I’m a 31 year old single guy, and it’s so true that the church struggles to figure out how to “solve” my singleness problem. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be married in a bad way, but the Lord has blessed me in so many ways during these years, and I’m thankful for it. I am a youth leader at my church, and obviously, we encourage abstinence… However, the point you make that we don’t have to wait anymore – because we already have Him – is fabulous! When we make our faith being about following some rules (don’t drink, don’t have sex, etc.) we can easily miss out on actually KNOWING our Savior, as we are waiting on the things we think He should give us. Anyway, great post, thanks so much for writing!

    Ben G.

  4. Courting Trouble really spoke to me about this. I should be looking to God to be my everything. Even now that I am married, if I look to my husband to fill the part of my heart that is meant to be His, I will never be fulfilled. Thank you for sharing!

  5. Well stated. I just want to add that as a virgin I married a virgin. My parents were also virgins on their wedding night. So were my grandparents. Grandparents were married 61 years before death parted them. My mom was married 47 years before death parted. We are well our way with 30 years… There is an important intimacy that can only happen in a marriage that has not been affected by sex prior to marriage and there is no emotional heartache that ANY of us carried because of our commitment to purity prior to being committed in marriage.

    • Can you explain why you posted this? I don’t want to assume anything, but are you priding yourself on your sexual purity? Does this mean that Christians who have failed in sexual purity cannot have just as fulfilling a marriage as those who haven’t by God’s grace and forgiveness?

      • I don’t think that’s what she’s implying at all. I think a story like hers is truly inspirational! I do believe those who have failed in sexual purity can still have a Godly & fulfilling marriage. But I think we would all admit that even the slightest of sexual failures will become a roadblock in your marriage. One that you both can work through and get past, and come out even stronger on the other side! The truth is still that not going through the roadblock at all would have been the better option!

      • Does it matter why she posted? That’s between her and the Lord. She was merely stating a fact. And I think a lot of women would like to be able to state that fact, having done things that contain regrets. I am also a virgin. Why would I say that? Because as a 45 year old single, I want to give hope to younger women that they can be fulfilled in Christ, and yet..loneliness exists, and I long to be married also, but not because it’s my identity, but because…I just want it. That’s just…normal. Facts are…it’s not bad to say what your sexual past is. I wish many women could go back and redo what they regret. God has forgiven them, and I too have a need for forgiveness also. Not the same sin, but still sin that requires forgiveness. I think women need to encourage each other by doing it “right”, and it’s getting rare to hear an older single woman speak who doesn’t have a past that involves struggle…having fallen in whatever way. I am always grateful to meet an older single who has held onto the ideal that the Lord wants for us. I wish more to see the joy that this author has given about…life is to be joy, not a burden.

  6. Back in the day when I was single and in my mid-twenties, I wanted to get married. I wanted a man who loved God. I wanted all kinds of things. I thought they were good things, too. Good and godly.

    And then, I realized that *I* was way too prevalent. That GOD needed to be prevalent. And when I sought to serve him first and make him happy, I would be content in all things. And I was.

    Which was, of course, when God sent me the man who became my husband. Messed up my whole harmonious vibe. :-) Really, it did.

    We’ve been married for twenty years. As you said in this lovely post, “waiting” isn’t always the right mindset. But pleasing God is ALWAYS the way to go.

  7. Would it not make more sense, empirically, to realize that when you’ve prayed and prayed and have had nothing answered, and that if you really look in your heart of hearts, you admit to yourself that there’s not really much of anything you call “answered prayer” that couldn’t be explained by normal circumstances….that maybe the right response is to realize that there’s nobody listening?

    • There’s a book called “Disappointment With God” by Philip Yancey. The title caught my embittered attention of many years ago. I found it to be excellent.

    • it depends on your definition of prayer. there is an author Donald Miller who wrote he once thought of prayer as a slot machine where you’ll try a few times and you may or may not get what you asked for. He realized he had the wrong idea and instead said, don’t get into the mindset that you are owed something because your prayers will be out of selfishness and pride. I’ve changed how I pray, I ask things that are more intangible and meaningful. In my experiences, the outcomes of prayer play out over time and are in response to what’s weighing on my heart, as opposed to a simple transaction. Looking back, I find it hard to believe it was all circumstance, and laugh at the idea that there wasn’t a greater purpose.

    • God did answer your prayer—with either a ‘no’ or a ‘not yet.’ We just don’t like to hear that : )

      God usually works through normal circumstances. What’s fun is looking back 5 or 10 years on and seeing how the ducks lined up.

      • … and sometimes He gives / implants / etc new “desires of your heart” (cf Ps 37:4)

  8. I’m in the midst of slowly learning this lesson. My situation is pretty identical, down to the “super involved in church” and “domestic skills” stuff. What’s amazing to me is how much my pride in knowing “the answers” as a church kid/now adult has actually hindered my relationship with Jesus. The lines between “falling in love with Jesus” and checking of things on a list of what you’re “supposed” to do becomes blurred; motivations are tricky things, and I get easily lost in the dailiness of life.

  9. Amen. Thank you for writing down these thoughts that have been on my heart for a while!

  10. Thank you so much for saying this so well. I completely relate to this. I’m now 31 and just recently has God opened my eyes to the concept that we are not promised husbands. Whether or not we grow up to meet “the man God has made for us” is beside the point. Our first purpose and most important purpose is to love Him and follow Him wherever that leads. That plan does not always include a husband, just as it does not always include a great paying job, good health, etc. Sometimes, and actually quite often, the plan involves a lot of pain and suffering because this is what does the most refining and meaningful work in our lives. If you think about early Christians, meeting their spouse was not at the top of their priority list. In fact, many of them lived what we would consider horribly painful and tragic lives. We are called to take up our cross. We are called to love as the Bible defines love: patience, kindness, humility, forgiveness…. Sorry if this sounds preachy but it has been heavy on my heart lately. Thanks again.

    • “We are not promised husbands.” I keep trying to tell the people in my life this. My best friend keeps telling me “But he promises to bring you the desires of your heart!” I hate to crush her so I usually smile and nod, but the truth is God NEVER promised that. As Christians, our lot is constant struggle and loneliness and separation from family and lots of other wonderful things like that. Not a husband, a dog, a house, a car, and 1.7 children, or even true love. “Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say.”

      • I feel compelled to respond to the last statement you made,IvyIvy.
        “True love” is defined by the One who IS love, Jesus. If you’re talking about the “true love” storybooks mention, you’re right, but no couple in history has ever had that chance, because real love is hard. Real love is work. Marriage is hard work.

        I’ve fought my whole life with wanting to be celebate and also trying to decide if I should get married. I realized ultimately it was a choice that I could make. I’ve realized now that I am married that it is a choice I NEED to make EVERY DAY. That is true love, and anyone who is committed to follow the pathway of the cross has that chance.

  11. THIS is clear, sharp thinking! Thank you for writing this. We are being made whole and holy- and each moment we are following Christ sincerely, we are as whole and holy as we can be at the point. Blaze on!

  12. Spot on. Thank you so much for writing this – God is our all and the only One who can fill us – no one person can do that. I wear a ring that says “I will wait” – however I have thought of that not only as a promise of purity, but of me waiting on God in whatever situation in life. You’re right – true love doesn’t wait because our One true love is Jesus. Glory to God and may we live our lives to please Him!

  13. This is excellent.

    I didn’t get married until I was 41. That was 15 years ago. When I was young there wasn’t anything like True Love Waits. I’m glad to be married, but I have great memories of my single life and the things that I was involved in (various kinds of ministry). My life as a single was full and satisfying in the Lord (but it wasn’t perfect). Sometimes I miss those days!

    The most important thing that I wanted in marriage was being with someone who wanted to serve God together. I would have been happy to remain single if that hadn’t happened. A husband (for companionship and sex) doesn’t meet all our needs; I’ve been disappointed because I had expectations that didn’t materialize. And I’ve had to move my focus back on my relationship with God.

    So ~ keep Him as your greater goal and He will be faithful. He wants us to give Him everything, all our desires whatever they may be.

    Sherry

  14. Glad my friend on FaceBook posted a link to this blog. I just turned 30 and don’t have a husband in sight. I have learned this lesson with relationships and with my health. For a while I was waiting to do anything until I was healthy. After all, then I could do so much more for God, right? When I came to accept myself as disabled (something permanent) instead of sick (temporary), then I was free to stop waiting and instead figure out what God wants me to do now–as I am.

    Relationships are similar, I guess… instead of waiting around until I can be a housewife and mom (which I can’t really do either of now anyway since I’m disabled–ironic), I’m figuring out what God wants me to do now, as I am. And loving it!

  15. As an old lady who was brought up with much of what has been written and equally as dismayed when life didn’t go the way they said it would. I discovered that my will to do His will and fully trust that His will was for every good and perfect gift to come from my Father in Heaven who didn’t change HIs mind nor adapt it to someone else’s ideas no matter how sincere – held in store for me a wonderful life of service, marriage, mothering and contentment. He’s a good, loving, kindhearted Father who we can trust with our lives.
    I have learned He doesn’t use my time schedule, and it is natural to become preoccupied with waiting rather than anticipation of what He has up His sleeve for His precious daughter. He’s God – not someone teaching a lesson for youth!

  16. I stopped waiting long ago and it freed me to do many things that God had showed and is showing me. Thanks for sharing, it is something we should all learn, single or married.

  17. Thank you so much for posting this. As I have grown older I have struggled with the concept of “waiting for my husband” and only recently have begun to realize that I can be whole and complete in the Lord, that I do not need a man. I have a “true love waits” ring, and I have begun to realize I do not need to wait. My true love, my prince is already here. It is Jesus. So thank you so incredibly much for posting this.

  18. Well said! While I do still wear a ring for the symbolism, I agree 100% with the heart behind this post. It’s not about “waiting” around. We are called to fulfill our purposes, to fall in love with the One who already loves us, and not to live with our lives on “hold” like there is something missing. Great post. =)

    – Hannah K.

  19. Thank you so much for posting this! You have no idea how timely this was for me. Thank you for allowing God to speak truth through you. Praise God, I am done with waiting!

  20. Another reminder that just because “everyone in the church” is doing something doesn’t necesarily make it Truth. Waiting is good but not the focus as you all have learned. I’m also struck by how many young women and young men are in the same position. As an older woman in the Body, I would encourage you to remember that you are not alone. Others walk the same path with you…pray for one another and take joy in the Lord.

  21. i love this. thanks so much for articulating it so well.
    -a single [almost] 25 year old who is [working on] living and not waiting

  22. Wounded
    I was doing what the Church said God wanted us women to be. I went to Church three times a week, I tried to live the Fundamental Biblical way of life. My husband did not go to Church anymore and I was bringing our four kids. I found out my husband had an affair, angry with God is not even close to saying what I was feeling at the time. Trying to do everything like the other married women were doing not only made me soo unhappy cause I didn’t fit in anywhere socially, I was married but single. Feeling so lonely in a family of God. But the kicker was, I was doing everything right, correct? No, I was told to be the women in Psalm 31 my husband would start going to church with me and I would be able to lead him to the Lord. I actually pushed him into another women’s arms who put him first. Yes, because of God I forgave my husband. Because God forgave me of all my sins, but I left the Church. Kudos to you for living the way life should be “waiting and loving who you are” and not “waiting for a man to make me whole”

    • I’m really sorry to hear that happen. I want to point out, after reading your comment that you did not push your husband into the arms of another woman. That was HIS choice. That was ultimately HIS choice to break a promise. I’d urge you to look into what God says women should be, not what the church is saying.

      • I feel I must point out, the inherent unfairness of the phrase, “what the church is saying”. Most groups of people will have a “normal” within that group. The most common denominator in many churches (or any large group) will be couples and families. That doesn’t mean the church is “saying” you’re only normaln or accepted if you are part of that group! One of Satan’s lies is that you need a whole group of singles to have fun as a single, to serve as a single, etc. Loneliness isn’t the product of being different from those around you. It’s allowing satan to sit on your shoulder, as he does to all of us.T

  23. Wow. Thank you for sharing thus honest perspective…one that redeems the truth of what all those (us) people say….or try to say. I work with college and young adult men and women and I have been struggling with this conversation. In fact I have been failing at it. I’ll be sharing this as well as reforming some word choices…for a better and more biblical theology.

  24. When my husband and I were planning our wedding, my mother was kind of taken aback that we didn’t want the “TLW ceremony” incorporated into it. After all, we technically had kept our vows. But I felt like it was too centered on us and just didn’t fit with the rest of our ceremony. We had a 10-minute homily about the parallel between marriage and Christ and the Church which presented the gospel so beautifully. The pastor pointed out that the groom’s black suit showed how Christ, as the head of the church, took on the sins of His bride so she could wear the white garments of His righteousness. Her sins. My sins. The whole “I saved myself for marriage” bit would have diminished the message.

    • Excellent words. Will keep your perspective in mind for our three daughters weddings….too many christian weddings are about how they saved themselves for marriage and not the centrality of what marriage truly means in the first place. a symbol of Christ and His Church.Thanks!

  25. this is one of the greatest things i have ever read. as a single 22-year-old who is seeing all of her friends either in serious relationships, engaged, or married, it definitely gets hard. but i, like you, have definitely been changing the way i see my relationship with God. when the Bible speaks of knowing God, the word for know is the same word Mary used when she said she had never known a man – it is an intimate, passionate relationship where He is your everything, my everything. thank you SO much for writing these words from your heart and being bold to proclaim the glory of our God.

  26. Not much for me to say, yet the point you made in this post has been my drive for the past 5 years. It is amazing that falling in love with God, in a true way makes us His first. I cannot tell you how many times I wished I wasn’t single. All of my friends that I grew up with are all married. One of which to the girl I thought was “the one.” I almost walked that wide road you mentioned. Even now, some days are extremely hard to get through. After 25 years, I’ve had plenty of chance to “jump ship,” yet He chose to save me for Himself. He is my help, my refuge, and my strength. If one day He does allow someone inside, I’ll have learned to look to Him and have something to look to. I realize my “not much to say” has been quite a lot, but running across your blog tonight has been no accident. It came at the EXACT moment needed.

  27. Your post speaks as if coming from my heart. Being single at 28 and waiting isn’t fun. I feel like I’ve put my life on hold for God to bring someone into my life so we can go on adventures and serve together. I’ve made all these plans of things I want to do when I get married, but really…I’m not living as I should. Thank you for your entry. May God continue to bless you in the journey He has you on.

  28. “If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute.” — for guys, too. Because there are guys out there with the same struggles, tired of waiting for God to answer their prayer for a wife, someone to love who loves them back, wondering if this is a God to follow after all.

  29. Putting on e-paper all the things you’ve told me thru the years over coffee, over long runs through the city, over tearful apartment E conversations, and now over skype. Nicely done, G. The truth is always so much easier to swallow than the stuff people tell you just to make you feel good. I could listen to this a thousand times over. Thanks for writing it down.

  30. wow. just wow. so applicable to lots of us, married or not. waiting on something to happen or not happen tricks me into apathy and sneaks into my hearts as priority all the time.

  31. Thank you so much for this article. This really reminds me who should come first in my life. That it should be God and God alone. Thanks…

    Greeting from Surabaya, Indonesia,
    Agnes

  32. Awesome piece, Grace! I am right there with you…have struggled through all of the situations you described.

  33. Great article Grace.
    For about 4 or 5 years I’ve had an aversion to using the phrase “I can’t wait till”. You’ve summed up beautifully why I think this seemingly innocuous phrase can indoctrinate us into thinking something in the future is what is essential. Which a husband/wife, job, movie, friends, vacation are never truly essential.

    My practice is to (out loud or in my head) tell Christ all the things he is more important than. Like “You are more important than TV or the internet. You are more important than my parents or brother. You are more important than Wendy or my job.” It really helps me focus.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Scott

  34. MAN! Good truth. I think I’ll share it! And this message has also caused hurt for those who are married as well. God is ALWAYS supposed to be our everything. Not our husbands. And that message also makes you feel like once you get married, you’ve achieved the end all. And you haven’t. Your husband cannot fulfill you completely. And never will. And the same journey you are on before you get married is the same one you are on after you get married—making God your EVERYTHING!

    • Soo true! I think often single girls think we married ladies have it all. And we do, in a sense. I LOVE being married and am thankful for my godly husband. BUT no one can fill that God-sized void. HE must always be our ALL and EVERYTHING! You don’t have to wait to love Him!!

      • Yes you do have it all, and not just “in a sense.” You have been blessed with kinship beyond the family that you were born into. Some of us will never have that, not in this life nor the next. So enjoy! But maybe from time to time throw a bone to those who grieve.

    • I completely agree! I learnt very early on in my marriage that God had to be my everything and not rely on my husband to fulfill desires that he was not designed to fill. It’s interesting how those who are single long to be married, yet there has certainly been moments (particularly early in our marriage) that I longed for the freedom of singleness again, freedom of finances, freedom of having a bad day without it affecting anyone else, freedom of eating out and being able to afford it, freedom of being involved with ministries without having to question whether it is good for my family to be involved etc. etc. Marriage is great, but God is with us at every point in our journey and He will bless us as we follow His will whatever it may be at any point in our lives!

      • Lots of single people have tight finances and overbooked, overworked schedules, doing all the chores of life alone and caring for the vulnerable family members that those married and parenting have no time for. It’s interesting to see how mistaken those blessed with marriage can be.

  35. What an incredible blessing this was to me. I am 20, at a Christian college, and have been struggling through wanting a husband versus wanting God. Thanks for this blog, it has given a new light to my TLW days and my future attitude.

  36. Thank you for this. I don’t want my daughter to make the mistakes I made, and sometimes I fail to see the struggles she will have with making “the right decisions.” Falling in love with Him. Makes it all harder and easier too, I think. Thank you…

  37. Thank you so much for sharing this. I always finger my ring in church when we sing, “Though none go with me, I still will follow…” Sometimes I just want to chuck it at the altar and throw my angst with it! Thanks for being an encouragement to all of us girls the church isn’t sure what to do with anymore :)

    • I feel the same loneliness at church, although I have a husband, because he left the faith last year. I’m getting a whole new perspective on this margin single women are in! I feel pity and sadness other people feel for me and I don’t quite know what I’m supposed to do and I’m pretty upset that my life of faithfulness has led me to this place in life. It’s a constant struggle for me right now. It really makes you ask, “is it worth it?”

      • I felt led to respond to this, although it is something I never do. I totally understand how you feel. I spent years in church with my children while my husband sat home. I spent that time praying for him and remembering that God made family first, then church. As long as you put God first, and honor your husband by respecting his feelings and remembering that he is more important than church, I believe he will come back. My husband did get saved after about 15 years. I felt so humbled when he was baptized by my pastor’s words. He told the congregation that more wives should follow my example; to just quietly pray for him, love him, and never speak ill of him (or even requesting prayers). That too many husbands are uncomfortable coming to church because they know their wives are always “asking for prayers” for them to come back. Everyone in the church was surprised to hear that my husband wasn’t saved before he got baptized. Just know, IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!! It has been 10 years since that day, and I thank God every day that I never gave up…..the struggles of that time do not compare to the joy and happiness I now have. Just hang on, trust God, honor your husband, and continue to pray. One day, you will weep with joy for your prayers being answered!

      • I’m going to make what I hope is a gentle statement. Your life of faithfulness hasn’t led you to this place in life. Your husband’s choice has. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake in life, because we all have, but please please don’t listen to any whisper that would try to tell you that you’ve been somehow inadequate in your faith and that’s why he’s left the church. That’s a lie from your Enemy, not the truth. No one can be responsible for the faith choices of another. God does not hold you responsible, and you must not hold yourself responsible.

        I can’t know how much pain and separation you must be feeling. I can’t know what’s going on in your husband’s heart and mind. But God does know. He feels it too. And He knows what’s in your husband’s heart. I encourage you to read Psalm 42:5-11, Psalm 61:2, and Psalm 18:2.

        As for what to do, I can only advise that you continue to be a good wife and ask God to help you show His love through your love. It’s going to hurt, because you love your husband and don’t want to see him on this path. But God’s grace is sufficient for this situation, too. He will always, always be worth it, no matter what the cost.

    • I highly recommend a book called Spiritually Single Moms. Best book I ever read when my husband left the faith.m

    • It is enouraging to see that I am not the only one in the boat of being a single adult that the church doesn’t know what to do with. The church the I currently attend is great about not throwing singleness in your face nor do they do that with holidays that are couple oriented. But I have attended churches where just the opposite is true. And I was not happy there at all.

  38. Very well said, Grace! My whole heart and life experience concurs with this – I couldn’t have said it better though I’ve tried :) Jesus is Wonderful – He is our goal!

  39. Amen. AMEN. Thank you for faithfully and transparently sharing what we all need to hear and live.

  40. If this was facebook, I would give it a “thumbs up”. Well said, indeed!

  41. What a great article!

    The principles and definitely the message behind True Loves Waits are scriptural but I totally agree that going through the ceremony, wearing the ring, etc. are so man-centered versus focusing on God. If scripture is taught and the Gospel preached, the commandments God gave us about waiting till marriage (along with many others) will make sense and be honored. In the end our desire as Christians is to be Christ-like therefore glorifying God in all that we do.

    Your article spurred a whole other conversation about why things happen and how God has used different situations in our lives and others to glorify Himself. Things that I wouldn’t wish on anyone in the end have become platforms that that God has used to minister to others in similar situations…opportunities to share Christ.

    Not being married is where God has you right now…that’s your platform. Continue to use that to glorify Him. Let others see that you don’t have to be married to be happy! That will open so many doors where you will be able to tell them why. I can’t think of any better reason! You said it best, “I already have Him…and He is everything.”

    Glory to God alone.

  42. Very well said my friend just what i needed thanks for sharing your heart

    • Bless you for sharing your heart on this subject. I think our whole system of Christianity has often (not always) been selling a system/plan rather than JESUS. Jesus is there, but in outline rather than being at the front.

      I believe that is why we’ve lost focus. Not just with purity, but with many other things. I am thankful for an awesome husband and yet remember clearly those thoughts when in college.

    • AWESOME post! This is so funny, my friends and I have been talking about this for months now. The Lord graciously showed us that we aren’t waiting for an earthly bridegroom, but for the heavenly One. Yes, we need to prepare to be earthly wives, but what better way to prepare than to first become the best bride of Christ possible. Our first love must be HIM… He must be our treasure… He must be the bond we seek. We ought not desperately seek after an earthly husband, but should, instead, seek after our Heavenly one– and how wonderfully satisfied we will be… and how much more glorified HE will be… even though we can never glorify Him as much as He truly deserves.

      God bless you, my sister,
      Erica Lynne

      • Well said, David. The book I mentioned in my remark (“What are you Doing? A Conversation about Dating and Courtship” by Vaughan Ohlman) is right up your alley.

      • David, I don’t believe late marriages, celibacy (if done for the right reasons) and singleness are considered a problem OR a disease. Paul was single his whole life. Does that make him ungodly? Or some form of leper in the church community? I think not. I think far too many women are discontent with their singleness and with God because of their singleness. If women would step up and realize that this is really where God wants to be because He truly does want us to LOVE Him, as she put it, then they would be far more content with where they are than where they THINK they should be.

    • I love this. So true! “Fall in Love with Jesus” Posting this on my mirror tonight.

    • We need more Christians to tell the truth and put the truth out there like you did. The Christian walk has become about preachers and teachers ideas about God and many stopped just teaching the word. The word of God has lasted the span of time we do not need postings on boards to confuse us we just need God’s truth. You spoke the truth and our women and men need to here that they need God and His will even if it is hard and not what they want. God is good even when life does not go the way we think it should and that is often hard to except, trust me!

    • You said that very well, because I know Steve is the man God wanted me to marry, however, it had nothing to do with whether I was satisfied with God as my all in all, because I am still struggling with being satisfied. When I almost lost my husband this last winter you would have found me in the bathroom pleading with God not to take my husband because I didn’t want to live without him. If I was satisfied with God that would not have been my plea. I don’t know why God brings some together and others He chooses for them to be single whether its for a short time or until He takes them home. I do know that God’s plan is to glorify Him no matter what our lot in life is, and to live in obedience to Him.

Leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: