I wonder what it looks like when two sets of vampire teeth go through the x-ray machine at the airport. I should’ve asked. The guy saw them several times. I was lulled into a peaceful state in the short security line. The first security guy told me, “Now ‘at’s a good girl!” when I already had my liquids in a separate baggie. He didn’t even make me take my shoes off. And… Read More

I know that I like marshmellows in my hot chocolate. I don’t know if I’m married or not. Jet lag is weird. I was standing there at the counter of a wireless internet store with two new friends only a few hours after stepping onto UK soil. Do you want the pay-as-you-go plan? Yes. Do you have a wireless stick already? No. Are you a “Miss” or a “Mrs.”? Awkward silence. Long…. Read More

It’s amazing what can happen when you cut the silence. Right now, I am sitting on an eerily quiet plane with hundreds of people contorted into economy seats just hoping for a few hours of sleep. I’m hoping, too. To prove it, I’m wearing my first-ever eye mask, courtesy of British Airways. It’s giving me a happy little black hole to attempt to sleep in, covering up the Russell Crowe flick that’s… Read More

I will admit it. My thoughts aren’t super noble. I heart burritos. I wish I hadn’t heard that cow-tipping inflicts pain on cows, because I want to try it so badly on the ones I can hear mooing from where I sit on the playground. I love Facebook. I like B.o.B. I secretly dream of being a white female rapper. I kick it like Adidas, flowin’ sticky like adhesive. True story. But out here,… Read More